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The Big D

Celebrating the D. We love it. It’s huge, it’s hard, it’s full, it can blow our minds and we can learn from what’s inside. Today is National Dictionary Day, you dirty minded little Sinners (just like me)! And, now that I’ve gained your attention...

The dictionary is definitely a "D" worthy of celebration in my opinion. As a writer, the dictionary is one of my most important tools. As a human, the dictionary played a large role in my scholarly years, and in the world of the internet, is a resource used by millions each and every day. Do you remember being younger and wanting to know what the grown ups were talking about? Pulling out your dictionary and looking up words, teaching yourself without having to ask anyone to explain to you what a word implied or meant? I do. That was the best. It made me feel smart. Because I was and I am. I didn’t need to guess an explanation of what something meant, I could look it up myself and teach myself without opinion or misrepresentation of the correct meaning.

The dictionary is a compilation of words and words are vital in verbal communication and in the written word. Understanding the truest meaning, or definition of words is the utmost importance for communicating. Misuse of a word can be damaging. We have seen countless interviews, political debates, etc. and even the most innocent of conversations go horribly wrong, often because the person speaking misunderstands the meaning of a word or misuses a word altogether.

The dictionary -- even Urban Dictionary -- can be a tremendously helpful source of sexual definitions. Merriam-Webster defines "fetish" as "an object or bodily part whose real or fantasied presence is psychologically necessary for sexual gratification and that is an object of fixation to the extent that it may interfere with complete sexual expression".

While Urban Dictionary is far more colloquial, it does offer a glimpse into other words the traditional dictionary never touches. Though these terms may not be medical or scientific, it would be a mistake to dismiss them in the conversation and written text of sex. The following few random examples are listed to illustrate how far reaching nontraditional resources can go for the inquiring mind:

ATM -- "means 'Ass To Mouth'. As in, your banging a chick in the ass, you pull it out and she gives you head."

Banjo String -- "the frenulum: the fine length of skin on the underside of the penis linking the fireman's helmet to the foreskin and main shaft, sensitive but also vulnerable during particularly rough sex."

Dovefucking -- "The act of a woman rubbing her breast or nipple against the genitalia of another woman."

Five Dive -- "The act of a stripper picking up a folded five dollar bill off of a paying mans face (or forhead) with her vagina."

Tribbing -- "From "tribadism" which refers to lesbianism. Derived from the Greek "tribas" (a lesbian) and "tribo" which is the verb "to rub". Refers to "scissoring" which is when two women rub their vulvas and clitoris together as a form of non-penetrative sex. Can also refer to "frottage" (rubbing) of the woman's vulva against something for sexual stimulation.Not specific to humans, this behaviour is also observed in nature. In particular bonobo monkeys, where female to female genital rubbing is common (about once every two hours)."

Words are extremely powerful. They can lift our Spirits one moment and bury us in the ground the next. They make us feel endless emotions. They're the foundations of our stories. They're the foundation of how we view our world(s). What words do you use? What words do you use around sex? How do you define those words? By sharing with each other, we can gain insight into each other in an intimate way that will only strengthen our relationships if we listen to each other's understandings of words without judging them.

Words have the power to destroy and they have the power to heal and build bridges. How are you using your words? Do you truly understand the words you use? When was the last time you took out the dictionary and increased and refined your vocabulary?

One only has to think of the #MeToo movement to see how moving and influential words are -- even hashtags! To further illustrate the point, I invite you to watch this speech about the power of words and how it helped the speaker understand and begin her journey of healing. Just one word.

Keep reading, Sinners. Keep close watch of the words you let in and the words you let out of yourself. Do your words help others? Do they help yourself? Do any of the words you listen to hurt or help you? By taking an inventory of our language and by replacing words that no longer serve us or the greater good with words that empower and uplift, we will be a far more evolved species. What is your empowering word of the day?

Mine to you, is: Embrace. Embrace your sexuality. Embrace the sexuality of your partner(s). Embrace each other while we have the opportunity.

Yours in Loving Embrace,

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