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Try Sex for Mental Health Wellness

We can all probably relate to some sort of mental health shift during this ever-changing year of 2020, am I right? I know I have personally suffered from increased anxiety and depression, I have been affected by the need to stay home and only seeing friends and lovers from an online chat of some sort, less physical touch, and I have definitely been more stressed as the election creeps closer and closer. This has been quite the doozy of a year, to say the least. HELLO CORTISOL! (That pesky stress hormone we all know so well.)

We have likely all tried new ways of de-stressing, calming down, and carrying on. I have been working out more mindfully than my normal gym-rat style, I am not afraid nor ashamed to publicly announce my need for mental days and breaks from social media. I have taken up learning guitar to shift to my stress into something productive and fun. What have you tried? Has it worked?

Did you know that sex is a wonderful outlet for mental health? When we are intimate with ourselves and/or others, our happy hormone, serotonin (and oxytocin) is released and leaves us in that blissful orgasmic hangover state.

Don't panic! I know we don't all live with partners and many of us are single, lonely, living alone, maybe not interested in sex with others, etc. You too can still get off and get well (*unless asexuality is your thing, in which case, do your thing!). I was researching this topic and found a great article about using sex toys for the same benefit. The website has a link to the full article, but what really stood out to me was this statement: "Sex toys enable people to take ownership of their sexual pleasure which in turn creates higher confidence and lowers feelings of shame. Sex toys provide a safe way to gratify one’s sexual curiosity and also open up previously unknown channels of pleasure and enjoyment. I think this topic is even more relevant in this time of quarantine and social isolation- where singles are unable to explore new sexual relationships and couples are struggling with sexual boredom and monotony. Sex toys can alleviate sexual boredom and bring excitement and novelty back into your sexual relationship whether that is with yourself or your partner."

Apparently, I am not the only curious cat on the topic of sex and mental health improvement. This warmed my heart and made me realize that writing this blog was necessary and could be helpful. Of course, most households are now home offices for at least one, if not both, or multiple partners living together, which can diminish the excitement factor of waiting for them to get home from work, or drinks out, etc. I know that I enjoy getting dolled up, hair and makeup, a cutesy lingerie outfit or naked under an apron, and surprising my primary partner at the door when He returns at the end of His day as I prepare a nice dinner for us to share. But, He has been working from home since March and that factor has certainly suffered because we are home together all day now. The "surprise" element is no longer an option. What are some ways that your relationship(s) have changed? Are you missing a certain factor? Are you becoming bored in the new at-home routines? Do you find yourselves not having as much sex or the sex becoming boring in a sense? Try to find a balance that works for you and your partner(s). Too much sex can be taxing on your body, especially if you suffer from physical ailments or chronic pain, too much sex can impair your mental health. Try something romantic and sexy like drawing a hot bubble bath (which can ease pains simultaneously) with champagne for you to enjoy together, let them choose lingerie for you to wear to bed, instead of watching television as you fall asleep, read your partner some erotica and get them turned on. Email me for more details and suggestions, I have plenty!

If you are living alone and staying home to stay healthy and for the safety of others, first let me congratulate you, thank you, and say bravo! I applaud your diligence and willingness to sacrifice for the health and wellbeing of yourself and others. That being said, if you have a partner or wish for an online hookup with a stranger instead of a night out and a one night stand, you can always try phone sex, Facetime/Skype, etc. to masturbate together, and even sexting with naughty photos and flirty videos exchanged in the mix. Masturbation is very healthy for us both physically and mentally. Masturbation typically feels great and when leading to orgasm, helps to reduce stress, relieve anxiety, and even encourages us to explore our likes and dislikes with our body. We find pleasure in how we do things and that information can be carried into a relationship. We find confidence in sharing tips and tricks with our bodies for the ultimate pleasure of another when it is safe to do so again.

While researching, I discovered a website that opened my eyes to how BDSM can improve our mental health and wellness. I am happy to be submissive and to serve my Primary Partner, who is my Dom. But, I didn't realize until reading this: "BDSM practitioners were shown to be less neurotic than their control group counterparts. They were more extroverted, more open to new experiences, more conscientious, and had higher subjective well-being. A large part of these qualities come from the very nature of participating in a respectful and responsible and consensual BDSM scenario. BDSM can be dangerous if partners are not upfront and honest about their boundaries and desires. In a responsible BDSM setting, each partner must communicate clearly and develop a sense of trust before they engage in any sexual activity. This fosters a sense of openness and honesty much faster than perhaps is found in traditional, ‘vanilla’ scenarios."

His protection extends far past the bedroom and does make me feel safe always, therefore easing that part of my anxiety and improving my mental health. His words of encouragement, His touch, His love, and the ways He demonstrates it is what makes me happy and feel adored and cared for. This makes perfect sense to me. Be sure that if you attempt this strategy, that you and your partner are in agreement, have safe words, and have outlined how you both want this relationship to work so there are no hurt feelings, bad surprises, or any kind of damaged mental health. And if and when things do arise, have calm and non-triggering conversations with openness to further your bond(s).

Until next time, Sinners...Please stay safe and healthy, please always stay sexy, and please keep that mental health in check! Be kind to yourself as well to others. If you would like to reach out to me with any questions, comments, information to share, or for those tips and tricks I mentioned earlier, please do not hesitate to do so! I am always available and happy to correspond at:


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