Bi Bi Love

In the current world we live in, we are finally starting to come around and accept that individuals have sexual and gender identities which are fluid. We still have an extremely long way to go, as there are still so many prevalent discriminations, hate crimes, refusals of acceptance, and blatant disregard for humans that identify as anything “out of the norm”. Personally, I identify as female and as bisexual. I am finding that I’m more of a Pansexual lately, but for sake of today’s topic being about Bisexuality, let’s dive into that wonderful realm.

While reading an article on bustle.com, I discovered that “According to recent data from Add Health, women were more likely to report bisexuality, and were three times as likely as men to report changes in their sexuality between ages 22 and 28 — the early adult years often associated with sexual exploration. Women were more likely to have some fluidity when self-identifying, rather than stating that they're "100 percent homosexual" or "100 percent heterosexual." Researchers hypothesized that women with "less favorable romantic opportunities" might choose to experiment rather than sticking with the limited pool of options they'd previously experienced. However, it's important to distinguish the idea of women having more sexual flexibility from the misconception that women are often bisexual because they're "sluttier."

I find that especially interesting, because so often Bisexuals are told “it is just a phase”, “you have always been fairly slutty” or “you are simply experiencing your sexuality, you’ll sort it out”, blah blah blah. It is sad to think that people would rather make excuses for their friends and loved ones being sexually attracted to multiple genders rather than just loving, embracing, and accepting them for being their truest selves. Men are held to a certain standard of masculinity which is likely why they are less apt to identify and/or come out as being Bi… which, I find absurdly saddening. Men should not be so masculinized (whatever that means) and told that they shouldn’t cry and feel and should “man up” and be ridiculed for enjoying the sexuality and touch of another man.

It is interesting to me that bisexual people are often discriminated against not only by heterosexual folk, but the gay and lesbian folk as well. It is a misunderstanding held by so many. Bisexuality often seems the most taboo of the LGBTQ society. Those of us that identify and have come out as bisexual are targeted more as slutty or promiscuous. While they may be true, it certainly isn’t a causal relationship. We still enjoy having sexual relations with men and women, which makes us bisexual.

While researching the common facts and misconceptions of bisexuality, I stumbled upon a blog post from lehmiller.com that sums up non bisexual people feeling that those of us that are bi, are just after sex wherever we can get it and with whomever… which is false. One of the facts listed on the blog said that, “Bisexual people do not necessarily have higher sex drives than everyone else. One of the most common stereotypes about bisexuals is that they are an extremely horny bunch. However, a 2007 study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior that featured a sample of over 200,000 participants revealed that bisexuals have sex drives that are pretty similar to everyone else. Specifically, sex drive scores (rated on a 7-point scale) were 5.47, 5.28, and 5.26 for heterosexual, bisexual, and gay men, respectively. By contrast, the numbers were 4.51, 4.91, and 4.60 for heterosexual, bisexual, and lesbian women, respectively. As you can see, within a given gender group, the sex drive differences between persons of different sexual orientations were quite small and likely of little to no practical significance.”

So all in all, I want to say, please stop making up excuses or stories when someone that trusts you tells you they are bisexual. It is a big deal to come out and when we are brushed off with a response of “it’s just a phase” or “you are just slutty and get it where you can”, we feel a certain type of neglect and it is painful. We want to be accepted and we want to be loved and to feel embraced with your acceptance. Don’t make us feel shame. Don’t be disappointed. Just accept our coming out as an expression of our highest trust and regard in you and move on. We aren’t any different from who we were before you knew we enjoy male and female relationships and sexual experiences. Get over it… we have :)

If you would like to join me in my celebration of #BiVisibilityDay, I'm hosting a special book launch party online and I invite you to purchase my new book Coming Out of the Woodwork on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07HHLLNVJ/) between the hour of 12 noon - 1pm Central Time TODAY, Sunday the 23rd. It can be yours or a gift for your bisexual loved one for just $0.99 or even FREE with Kindle Unlimited. Please post a selfie of you reading it so I may personally thank you as well! Use either #ComingOutOfTheWoodWork or #OriginalSindy when you post it so I can see your sexy selfie :)

If nothing else, please let your bi friends and family know that you love them and that you're there for them to depend on. By supporting bisexual business owners and creators, we will help spread the loving embrace of bisexuality on its celebrated day and will drastically decrease the unhealthy stigma that silently stifles bisexuals. We can collectively make a huge difference in the lives of our bi friends and family members by demonstrating our love and acceptance. And as someone who herself identifies as bisexual, I thank you for the opportunity to be accepted and loved as I am.

With Love & Lust & Unity,

Sindy